The people of the Mid West are big drinkers. That is not a blanket statement, that is a fact - as sure as the sun rises, the people of the Mid West love their booze. The wonderfully boozy kids of Clawson, Michigan are no different. After an argument a woman pulled a knife on her husband - for saying she was fat you ask? Nope.com. The husband threw away her bottle of vodka. The wife made her husband dig through the trash to get her bottle of vodka and then demand that he get her the car keys. After giving up the goods her husband called 911 - the cops found her and she was pulled over with blood alcohol level of 0.23 - just below the legal limit in Michigan. On the bright side, she did not go Bobbit and cut his junk off while he slept. One the brighter side, the bottle of vodka was plastic so when he through it way it did not break... And people at the store made fun of her for buying the handle of plastic vodka - who is laughing now?
From boozy ladies with anger issues to bad guys with image issues. America's Next Top Model may be shot in London, England at the local precinct. A British man, with bad teeth - we can safely assume that, sent a picture of himself into a local paper because he did not like the sketch they made of him. WOW! Vanity has no borders... Sure he looks better in his wanted picture but now everyone knows exactly who he is. The only way this gets better is if the police work with FaceBook and use a biometric algorithm to scan photos and find those that fit his same facial features.... I am sure this criminal mastermind meets ego maniac is tagged in a couple of albums. It is safe to say he is flexing in one of his FB photos...
What do you get when you mix knives, booze, cops and burglars concerned with Vanity - well mix with a whisk in an oven safe bowel, pre-heat the oven to 425 and bake for 20 to 25 minutes. You will get a beautiful and rare turtle that some will think is God him/her self... The wonderful people of Bhubaneswar, India have themselves a rare turtle - well that is what herpetologists (you have the job of studying turtles and the name of your profession is has herpes in it - named after a sore you get on your pepe) are telling them. They think they have God in turtle form. Next to butterfly and human - God's third favorite option when hanging out on planet earth, turtle - his fourth is lama, the big man/woman loves to spit. Here is what you need to know as rules and how they apply to "God" - 1. If a guy wearing glasses says he is God, he is not. God does not need glasses - think about it. 2. If a guy says he is God and asks you if he can sleep with your wife and daughter - he is not God. 3. If a guy says he is God and then asks you to kill yourself, then he is not God. God has a track record of taking what he/she wants without asking. 4. If it takes you smoking Panama Red to get your God, errr turtle to talk with you about the future and the worlds beyond then the turtle is not God....
There you have it - the news, rewashed..